A few problems for beggining professional sorcerers

I suppose that most of us started in an almost organic way. We did our stuff for us, expanded to family and friends and suddenly we had people requesting our help and offering money.

But the path to become a professional is not without bumps.

On my country, mages are like prostitues. There are no laws against it, but many people don't like it. And it is more comum to see a "mage"sued for fraud than to see a prostitute accused of anything.
Iif you work on the South of Europe, and you receive your payment in cash your biggest problem is usually to keep your clients happy. Buuuttt..., sometimes you want to do it in a completely legal way, and pay your taxes like the model citizen you are. Then you have a problem. Sorcerer, Magician;Witch are not recognized as professions. Your alternative is to register yourself as an astrologer, card reader and/or a worker in alternative medicine. Sometimes you can work with companies that provide that kind of services, and you pay a percentage to the company. However choose wisely. In the South of Europe the companies usually take from you an average of 30 to 35%  of what you charge to the client. On the North of Europe, more specifically in Germany companies with tarot/spiritual counseling hotlines will charge 40% of what you receive from the client, and if you organize a working by e-mail. they will charge 50%..

So, if you want to be a model citizen, choose wisely. Whenever possible work alone or with another professional sorcerer (or sorcerers).

Lazy clients

4 a.m.
My cell phone ringed like the world was about to end.
mshrpp, bvv, rrrbbb, Shit ! _I say.
I picked up the phone, saw what time was it and answered it.
_Hello?
_At Last ! _said a voice on the other end of the phone_ I thought that you were never going to answer that fucking phone ! ( a lot of words that I failed to understand). Fuck !
_Ok...The connection is very bad, Speak slower.
A ton of giberish on the phone.
_I don't understand. I'm going to hang up and call you back.
Dooon't you fucking han..._   click.
I got up, and cheked the phone to see the number that was calling me. One of my few clients in the US.
I usually don't give my cell phone number to any client, but  considering what he was paying me I made an exception.
Briiiing !
The cell phone ranged again.
I answered.
_Hello (insert whatever name you want here).
_Don't you ever fucking_
Click. I wasn't in the mood to hear him shouting.
Called him
_Hello (name).
_Did you just hang up on me ?_he asked in a puzzled voice.
_I will do it again if you don't stop shouting. Is that clear?
He spat the word like he was choking on it_ Yes.
_Yes what ?
_ I will stop shouting.
I coul feel him trembling with rage, fuming from the other side of the world.
_Ok. Now explain me s-l-o-w-l-y what is the problem.
_The fucking rings aren't working !!!
I had two identical gold rings made for him, and they had been seriously consecrated and blessed. In his line of work he needed some serious protection, so the idea was to use one of the rings one week, then use the other and let the ring that he took of to rest in water with salt the next week. That way every week one of the rings would be clean, rested and eager to protect him.
_Have you been cleaning the rings like I told you to ?
_YES.
I picked up my pendulum. The answer was NO.
For how long ? Two weeks? No.
Three weeks? No.
Four weeks? No.
Five weeks? No...
More than five weeks but less than six ? Yes.
_Fucking say something. I want my money back.
_Sure, I'll give you your money back, but first you'll have to clean the rings, and you haven't done it in more than 5 weeks.
_I DID.
_(name), you are talking to me. You can lie you ass out but you can't lie to me.
Click. He hanged up.

I wen't to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee, decided to drink it iced, and consulted the pendulum again.
Is any of the rings still able to offer him some degree of protection, however small ? yes.
His he using it ? no.
The phone rang.

_Hello (name).
_I am sorry.
_You should be.
Silence.
_I'm all fucked up...
_Take the ring that you're wearing and put it in salt and water for one day. Use the other. After a day, put the other ring to rest and clean in salt and water for two days. Use again the one you're wearing. Keep increasing the rest and clean up period of the rings for a day until both get one week of rest.
Silence.
_Ok.

_It is 04 30 a.m. You'll have to pay my emergency fee. Transfer 80 dollars to my account first thing in the morning.
Silence.
_Ok.


_Oh (name), one more thing.
_Shoot_  he said.
_If you ever dare to call me again at 4 a.m. without a very good reason, you won't like it. Instead of crapping blood, you'll be crapping something else.
_How do you know i'm crapping blo_
Click. I hanged up and went to bed.
Perhaps I could still sleep for an hour.

An Offer (2)

Come on people !


I still have 2 of the drawings. If people don't ask for it untill Friday they will return to their old price / 120,00 USD.

This is a one time only offer.

An offer

I am feeling very generous today.

I have decided to offer a magical gift to the first 5 people that ask for it.

People can choose between a magical drawing to atract money and another to get  laid more often.

The drawings will be sent by snail mail.

There is only a catch.

After a month of having the drawing those that receive it are required to post here the results.

Interested ?

Magic, Sorcery, Effort, Success and Starcraft

There is always a joker that says that magic doesn't work, and that if it did we wouldn't need to make any effort.
We could have money without a job/business.
We would get laid everyday because the most gorgeous girls/guys/groups of people would appear on your front door naked and with a bottle of Scotch/Beer/Champagne.

So, if this doesn't happen it is because magic and sorcery don't exist and we are just a bunch of deluded idiots.
When I was young I did my best to explain magic and it´s  strengths and limitations,  but that kind of joker doesn't pay attention. Nowadays I just laugh and say that magical workings are like Starcraft Cheat Codes.
You start playing and you don't progress fast enough, or the game is too difficult, or you're just too lazy...
You use the cheat codes.
Operation CWAL - your upgrades are faster, and your buildings get done in a fraction of the time. That can be a spell to open paths and to get the best help to you.
Black Sheep Wall - You get to see all the game. That is divination, allowing you to know what your enemies and adversaries are doing, but also the oportunities that lay ahead and that one could miss otherwise.
Show Me The Money - you get a lot of minerals and gas. The magical equivalent are workings to bring money and resources to you. You get bank credit where your competition is left wanting, your clients pay in full instead of leaving you waiting for the money, you discover new business/clients or your boss gives you a bonus when everybody else doesn't get anything.
But with cheat codes or spells you have to play the game to win, you have to make an effort.
It is then that the most obstinated idiots say that there is a cheat code on Starcraft that allows one to go instantly to the next level without any effort.
My reply is that it gets the person to the next level, but it isn't fun. And enjoying what one acomplishes is every bit as important as getting it.

Message

You are the terror of the world,
You prey upon the muggles,  wreck marriages, make womens miscarriage.

In your ignorance and arrogance you believe yourself to be a god but you're nothing but a joke.
And nobody is laughing. 

Professional courtesy and idiots

Most muggles don't have a clue about how much magic is working around them. On their jobs, on their marriages, all around them professionals or dabblers are working, creating circumstances that will change their life. The muggles that are slightly aware of that make an effort to avoid being collateral damage. Against an unjust boss, a hungry ghost, an envious person wanting to wreck their marriage, or just plain old bad luck.

They hire people like me to protect their jobs and to keep their paths open. That is good for them and for professionals all over the world.

And the good professional cleans the muggles path, remove curses, blesses them, and if need be, kicks the client's ass to make sure that they have a chance.

But there is always an idiot, that instead of working against the workings of others decides to make a name for him/herself by attacking the other professionals. That is stupid because quite often the workings will keep damaging their clients even if he/she is sucessefull in wipping out the competition. It also attracts unwanted attention. We are a paranoid breed and the demise of one of us makes all others smell the blood. Besides most have friends/companions/students/partners that in al probability will act against the attacker. The result may be one of the endless and petty witch wars that plague our existence.

My advice ? Don't attack another professional unless you have a damn good reason for it. And if you do, gather as much help as possible and make sure that he/she is dealt in such a way that others don't want to risk attacking you.